The Two Percent

We’ve all met at least one. Sadly, some of us have endured many. The official number says only about 2% of the population is afflicted. A number I believe is significantly misrepresented now that the world has access to social media.

That familiar sensation of being in the presence of a narcissist. Do they like you? Do they not like you? Are they indifferent? You may have spoken to them, but did you really learn anything of substance? You might even feel a little dirty or uncomfortable if you were alone with one of the opposite sex for any amount of time.

Most often when you meet someone, you get a vibe one way or another how you feel about them and how they might see you. When socializing with a narc, you will discover you get neither. For those who have never met one before, the sensation will be confusing and leave you unsure of how they feel about you, which clouds how you feel about them. Many people would be inclined to pursue the narc out of the need for validation -only to discover, usually once it’s too late, validation from a narc is an impossible situation. What I mean by “too late” is that you’ve subjected yourself to them enough that they have infected your self esteem enough to cause harm.

The perfect example of a narcissist – a newborn baby. It is incapable of understanding anything else other than its own needs. When it doesn’t have its needs met, it throws a fit until it gets what it needs. As it gets older, it learns how to manipulate those around it in order to get its way -tantrums, verbal abuse, physical violence. You as a person do not matter to them -only if you are useful or useless. Your emotional stability is not their concern, just your fealty.

While narcs are incapable of empathy or sympathy, they are good at faking it when necessary.

If I meet someone for the first time and walk away questioning the vibe of the person I just spoke to, I slide them into the NPD folder and slap a warning for future interactions.

They do not value people as humans, only as useful or useless tools. Their weaknesses are fear of losing money, power, and/or status. They cannot be out-victimized.

The saddest/most scary part of NPD – it’s the least likely to seek help and yet one of the most damaging disorders. It’s like trying to convince someone their reality isn’t real. Not only will they reject your observation, they might become violent in order to protect their view of the world.

Please remember – You cannot save them, but they can and will destroy who you are down to the very fabric. I spent 5 years with one and it took me over a decade to even begin to understand the fundamental changes that had taken place within my personality.

You cannot love them enough – They do not understand love at all. Try teaching a monkey to speak dolphin.

The best, most blunt way to put this – If you were married to a narcissist and happened to die – They might show emotion if you had a use to them -but merely because they lose someone useful and now must find a replacement. To the general public, they would feign emotional instability to gain attention and favor. They would also milk the hell out of being the victim -even if you committed suicide, they would somehow make it about them.

You cannot win. You cannot compete. You cannot change them. If the most brilliant minds in psychology tell us it’s virtually impossible for them to be anything other than what they are, take that as the best advice you could ever ask for. Get out before you are trauma-bonded… that is a whole new depth of screwed.

I feel like I rambled a bit on this because of how I respond to NPDs – being the Polish CEO who robbed a child or an autographed hat, then insulted the child while threatening the world for outing him… That dude is the poster child for Narcississm Personality Disorder.