The Escape From Perdition

I can’t figure out if what I’m about to write is because I cannot think of a single moment in time that qualifies enough – or the actual post I chose to share overrode my ability to focus on anything else. ~shrugs~

Btw – While writing this, I’m listening to one of the most incredibly soulful songs I’ve heard in years. I cannot believe I had never discovered it before now. Put your headphones on, go find a song called “Indifference” by Pearl Jam. You really need your headphones on to appreciate his voice. There’s so much depth-yet-hollowness to this song. It’s beautiful, yet haunting.

Ok. The prompt.

My younger years were spent indulging in acts of selfishness and disregard for how my actions hurt others. I wouldn’t go out of my way to harm them, but if they stood between me and what I desired, then they were a casualty of war. I didn’t look to do these things. I simply justified my actions and moved on.

Even when I knew my desire was temporary. I’d obsess until I had it, then much like a cat, once it was mine, I’d lose interest and move on.

All that karma stacked up in my closet and kept the skeletons company. There would be a reckoning one day, but I didn’t concern myself with it. Life had way too many adventures ahead to be bothered by such things.

A dagger in my heart from someone I believed I loved blew the closet door off its hinges. A lifetime of bodies and misdeeds tumbled out and consumed me… for years.

Once I stepped off the road to perdition, I made a vow to myself I’d do my best to leave that life behind.

Have I honored this promise? I’ve tried -both in personal and professional life. I offer selfless assistance where I can. I mentor where I believe I can provide a constructive point of view. I use my connections to network people.

But…

Experiencing the traumatic brain injury set me back. Speaking in computer terms, it almost wiped out all my updates and restored the old, bare bones operating system. The scary part is that it’s not like I knew what was going on. After all, it’s my brain. It wouldn’t make decisions that could harm me, right? (HA) Don’t believe the hype.

Your brain may take measures to protect you, but once it sustains damage, your mind can just as quickly escort you back down the road to perdition.

I continue seeking redemption as I age. Maybe once my scales are balanced, the universe will move me on to my next form… But who knows.