Life Lessons – Not That Anyone Listens.

We all want to believe we’re special in some sort of way… And that’s our downfall.

Lesson 1. You are neither unique nor special with your emotions and feelings. If you were, psychology could not possibly exist. One billion people with one billion conditions? Good luck with that. This fact is a blessing. The human experience is not restricted by race, color, ethnic background, or geographic location. In other words, you’re only alone if you continue to choose to be. Set aside your ego. You’ll find it very rewarding.

Lesson 2. If someone will cheat with you, they will cheat on you -Although there have been exceptions, you have a better chance of being struck by lightning… twice. The reason? There is something broken within the cheater which cannot be fixed from the outside. No matter how much you give them (money, love or attention). Things may be great at the beginning, but once the newness (often called the honeymoon phase) wears off, their demons will come calling and you won’t know till it’s too late. I’ve been on both sides of this lesson and speak from extensive experience.

Which brings me to the next lesson.

Lesson 3. When someone cheats on you, it has absolutely nothing to do with you and/or your value. Not your looks, your personality, your bedroom skills -nothing. The decision to cheat is made solely by the cheater and is entirely on their shoulders no matter what they say and how they try to gaslight you into believing it’s your fault. And while their first adulterous adventure is not your fault, if you forgive them and stay, every single time after that IS on you. You chose to allow them to do it again. The same mistake twice is a choice. Again, another lesson from my extended library. I used to cheat like I was being paid per body – mostly because of how I viewed my physical appearance. If they were willing, I’d take them up on it because I never knew when the next girl might be. (Even when I had a g/f)

Lesson 4. If you do not take a break in between relationships, you will carry your baggage from your past into your new one. This is a fact. We need time for the memories to fade. If you repeatedly trade one partner for the next, that baggage will continue stacking until you are so broken that you’ve lost who you are and what you want. The fog of all that damage will blind you… and there is no map or GPS where you’re at.

Lesson 5. If you daisy-chain relationships, don’t be surprised if you “keep falling for the wrong person”. This may come as a surprise, but speaking from personal experience, the person you met may be nothing like your ex when you first met… However, since you gave yourself no time to let your ex go before jumping into another mess, the moment you see them exhibit even a glimpse of behavior from your past, you begin to treat the new person like you did your ex, which eventually, will make them act as such. You literally continue to create your ex’s where your ex did not previously exist… until you give yourself a break.

Examples: I partially watched a single football game one day when there was nothing else on. From then through the rest of the short-lived relationship, she continually accused me of loving football like her ex did. (I have zero desire to watch any sports at all on TV)

Because of my TMJ, my jaw can sometimes make a clicking sound when I eat. From the first time it happened, I was accused of eating with my mouth open… like her ex did.

Lesson 6. From birth, we begin the slow process of dying. It’s not if. It’s when. Remember this when you consider holding yourself or someone else back from a desire. Life is a series of moments and we have so few of them before our time is up… And no matter if this life is the only one we get for eternity or for this time around – Memories don’t stack. They’re not carried with us into the great beyond so there’s not plenty of time to do something later. Tomorrow is never promised.

Lesson 7. Leave that shitty job. They are no different than personal relationships. They can be rewarding or abusive. They have the exact same impact on our mental stability. Making an excuse to stay only diminishes your self worth. What you risk by staying is that by the time that job you’ve always wanted becomes available, you may not have enough self confidence to apply for it. Just like an abusive relationship. You stay so long that you either believe no one else would have you or that you’re not good enough to go elsewhere. So you just stay where you’re at and suffer -at the cost of your mental stability and often, your personal relationship.

Lesson 8. Do not do something at the beginning of a relationship that you are not willing to do for its entire duration. If you purchase gifts and open doors at the start, you are setting an expectation. If you do crazy things in the bedroom at the beginning, those things need to be a permanent activity.

If you stop doing things that lured your mate into your life, you cannot be surprised when they are lured out of your life by someone who makes them feel the way you once did. Don’t be mad at them because they didn’t stay after you pulled the bait and switch.

So… flowers, candy, poems, fine dining, sexy clothing, copious amounts of coitous, weekend adventures, spontaneous ideas, making jokes, acting like kids… They don’t have to be constant. That would be exhausting and unreasonable; however, the fire cannot stay lit if the embers at its foundation are allowed to extinguish. Remember the spark or you’ll be the only one at your campfire.

Lesson 9. If you decide to have children, show them unconditional love and support throughout their lives, but please… do not tell them how special and unique they are. Doing so will imprint in their mind and as they grow up, they will continue to believe they are alone in their experiences. Their failures will be exclusive to them. Their success will make them feel as though they’re the only ones who were good enough to get to where they were.

From my experience, growing up with the belief we are unique will go one of two ways. They’ll either isolate their emotions and resist sharing because no one will understand their unique experience, or they’ll become overwhelmingly self-centered and entitled once they achieve any level of success because, well, they were obviously the only one who could do what they did.

Once they learn otherwise, their entire world will collapse and they will be forced to go through a change -which means relief, anger, depression, resentment…

Love your children. Support their dreams and aspirations… Just do not lie to them about how incredibly special and unique they are to the world. You may feel that way, but that’s where the value and reality end.

Lesson 10. Love hurts. It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad. It can and will hurt -sometimes so much it can manifest physical pain in our chest. It’s the most powerful weapon known to mankind. Love has constructed cities and razed empires. It runs wild and cannot be tamed. It’s both beautiful and terrifying… Without love, you will always question what life is about. It’s taken over half my expected lifespan to understand.

Life is about love… and the experience in which surrounds it.

Love is one of the easiest emotions to experience – all you have to do is give it freely. It will be returned to you… not by everyone who receives it… but by the people who are right for you.

Ask a parent.
Ask a pet owner.

Love is what makes life worth everything we go through to experience it. It’s everything.