Sharon & Ozzy

The one thing I refuse to subscribe to is the low IQ of “reality television”. Gather ’round the idiot box to watch the plastics melt down over rich people problems -or to exploit everyone else.

Then “The Osbournes” came out… and morbid curiosity got the better of me. I mean, it’s no secret that Ozzy Osbourne was a one-man sideshow. I tuned in and the chaos did not disappoint. Then I noticed something. The love Sharon and Ozzy shared for each other. Ozzy loved Sharon with this entire being. Sharon loved and protected Ozzy with the intensity of a Spartan army.

Their connection was as intense as sunshine outside the Van Allen Belts -blinding, unyielding… volatile.

The two of them captured “puppy love” for the duration of their marriage. While it was not a perfect relationship, the love that bonded their souls for Ozzy’s lifetime was palpable.

My curiosity is about that degree of love. Is it possible for everyone in a single lifetime to experience… or does it require multiple lifetimes? After all, real diamonds are not formed overnight. It takes millennia and perfect conditions to create something so rare and precious.

I believe most of us are only allowed the temporary privilege of experiencing what Sharon and Ozzy maintained for 43 years – the honeymoon phase. When you look at each other all doe-eyed and refer to each other with pet names. Through thick and thin, the love that’s present never falters. (Ozzy and Sharon weren’t without their problems, but that never changed the depth and degree of love between them)

I thought I had found that diamond once when I was less than half my current age. I married a woman I would have struck a match against the world to protect… in order to keep for my own…

Not only did it turn out to be one-sided, I also discovered it was never real to begin with. I had confused overwhelming lust for love. My eyes could never see what my heart needed protection from… until it was too late.

Now I am with someone who, as best as I can tell, loves me the way Sharon loved Ozzy. She would do anything for me/my best interests, even if that means going head-to-head against me.

The psychologically crippling problem is that I do not posses the mental faculties to return that love in the same manner it is presented to me.

I spent a lifetime with women who were so broken they could neither match nor return the level of love I offered. I finally find someone who can just to discover I am now so broken, I am unable to ignite the intensity I once offered those before her. I give and show her what I can, but I know it’s not what she deserves.

After more than a decade of her refusing to give up on me, I am just now beginning to slowly become a worthy partner. Is that the Ozzy & Sharon depth of love? No. But maybe that’s what healthy love looks like for me.

The irony and often cruelty of life, love, and timing.