Manifested Confidence

Noun : a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities

The most confident person I know? Me -but not in the way most people would define it. There’s another way to exude confidence – Understanding the situation and accepting that failure is always an option… and that even if it fails, it’s not the end of the world. In failure, lessons are learned. It’s how we grow.

First you have to remember, confidence is not success. They are mutually exclusive. One is an attitude. The other could be considered an opinion on the results of efforts invested. Before you read further, it’s important you comprehend that in order to understand the rest of this story.

You see, I have failed so many times in my life I am genuinely surprised when I succeed. That doesn’t mean I’m not confident. It means when I go into something, I understand the situation, measure the risks if failure becomes the only option left, and have a solution ready. Even if that solution means handing it off to someone else.

I redesigned my s/o’s bedroom as a gift for all she’s done for me during my recovery. She’s a huge Disney fan so I wanted to make the room reflect a Disney theme, but more adult oriented, not cartoonish or anything childish. I also wanted to stain the floor in an interesting and unique way. I’d end up making way more complex than I needed to.

Here’s what I knew how to do concerning my big project -> 0
Here’s what I didn’t know how to do -> Literally everything.

I knew nothing other than what I wanted the room to look like once it was finished. I researched online and asked questions at the hardware store until I felt confident enough to get started. The rest I’d learn as I went.

I made mistakes. A lot of them. But here’s what I learned.
1. There’s a reason walls are painted white – darker colors show every single blemish in the wall.
2. Dark trim is unforgiving with anything that touches it as well as enhances dust when light hits it.
3. Dark floor stain is a terrible option. The floor constantly looks like it has a gray haze over it because it’s impossible to keep dust from settling on it as soon as you sweep/mop it. I had to sand almost 1/3 of the floor over to lighten the color to something acceptable.
4. Quick-dry spackle sucks to work with. It’s pasty and doesn’t like to spread evenly or fill holes and cracks.

Then my previous physical injuries stalled work out. It took me months to complete the room… But I did. Was it perfect? Nope. Does it still need touchups? Yep. But she loves it and I’m proud that I completed the overly complicated job I had taken on. Out of 3 pieces of furniture I tried to up-cycle, only the nightstand was salvageable. Most of this setback was due to the poor quality of the furniture to begin with.

I wasn’t confident in my abilities. I knew everything would be ok no matter what happened. I was painting and staining, not concocting nitroglycerin. In addition, every time I failed, I came away with knowledge about what to do/what not to do next time. Lessons were learned.

The only thing you could say I had confidence about was the fact that everything would be ok and the job would get done one way or another.

Confidence is not success. It’s courage to face failure and accept that even if it does go awry, unless you’re an ER surgeon, everything will still be ok. If you do nothing, then nothing is accomplished and nothing is learned. That is complete failure.

So I say I am the most confident person I know simply because I’ll run into the fire for the experience itself when others are either afraid of failure, stuck in analysis paralysis, or have trouble with the speed of change -and that’s not an insult to my family and friends. Sometimes they’re the only ones who can pull me back from the edge, reason with me, or keep me from hurting myself.

Once you’re ok with failing, the world becomes much easier to live in.