A lesson I learned more than 20 years ago was lost to the hands of time. A few days ago I ran across an article online that reminded me of that lesson and just how far off my path I’ve strayed.
When I was with one of my favorite companies I’ve ever worked for, we had a team building exercise that involved splitting the group I was with into pairs.
Once we had our partner, we sat side by side at our respective tables and waited for our next step to be presented. The instructor walked around and handed out a a single piece of paper to each pairing which had a fairly simplistic maze printed on its surface. He then passed out one ink pen to each group.
The instructor presented our task, “One person holds the pen and closes their eyes. The other person guides them to the center of the maze without touching the person or the pen. You have 30 seconds to get to the center of the maze.”
I told my partner to hold the pen because I already had a brilliant plan on how to get him to the center, or at least further than anyone else. Being the one of quick wit and smartassery I’ve always been, the first thought that came to mind was having him hold the pen still and I’d just zip him directly to the center – bypassing all the lines and getting him to the center. What kept me from doing it was the fact that by that time in my life, I was very self-conscious of how people perceived my divergent personality. I didn’t think outside the box. I lived there. Very few managers liked that fact especially if it challenged their intelligence.
Instead of the straight line, I had him hold the pen still and I moved the paper under the pen. We zipped through the maze rather quickly, but still came up short by the time our 30 seconds were up.
The instructor walked around examining everyone’s progress. All the pairs except us had attempted to verbally direct their pen holder through the maze. No one made it even close to half way through. When ours was examined, the instructor was shocked to see our progress and asked how we made it so far. I advised him of our method and we were commended on our unique approach.
I was very proud of myself for being the only one in a group of 20 people to come up with the idea.
Our class lead returned to the front of the room, held a blank maze to the wall, closed his eyes… and drew a straight line from the start of the maze to the center. He then explained, “I said to get to the center of the maze. I didn’t specify how you needed get there.”
Well f*k.
In order to try and fit in with the normals, I caged my mind. So what if I had drawn and line straight through and been wrong? It was a solution. I allowed myself to be subdued from the fears I had grown inside of myself from childhood. Kids my age didn’t care for me much because I used words that had more than a couple syllables. That stuck with me through young adulthood. One teacher didn’t like the fact I was more creative than her child in art/drawing, so I was restricted from attending gifted art class.
The military? Wow. The amount of inept people in charge was staggering. No one liked a free-thinker unless they could personally exploit it for their own gains.
These things continued into the private sector. My ideas would be dismissed until they were my superior’s – then they were fantastic… for them. If I spoke up or made a complaint, then I was seen as a glory hound and a troublemaker. It wasn’t about me. It was about “the team”. But it wasn’t me or the team that reaped the kudos or rewards, it was the person who took credit for my idea.
Rather than a strong manager crediting their team, more often it’s been about an inept manager taking credit for their team’s hard work and holding everything together, while in fact it’s the opposite.
I will admit there have been a few managers I’ve worked for who I felt genuinely cared about giving credit was credit was due and growing their team. Most of the time it’s been about managers climbing the corporate ladder using the backs of those below them. They aren’t good managers. They’re good survivalists.
This message is to all those who are divergent and feel trapped or have high anxiety about being their authentic self. Isn’t it time to step into the light and show yourself for who you really are? Your managers will never change. You’ll never earn your way into sharing the light they consume. There’s not enough room.
Stop being afraid of what you might lose by doing so. What you have already lost and continue to lose will always outweigh what’s ahead because it continues to build. It never stops. You will ultimately lose yourself as I have recently discovered about myself.
It’s no different than an abusive personal relationship. If you continue to stay, you accept how you’re being treated. You may convince yourself through lies or false hope, but people very rarely change. They just get better at hiding and manipulating the reality around them.
I used to be focused on money and power… Till I saw what it cost and who I had to be to get it.
When I am on my deathbed, I’d rather find myself in an RV down by the river with a handful of genuine people who knew and accepted my authentic personality, than in a penthouse surrounded by fake people who rubbed elbows with me merely because they saw me as a means to an end.
Don’t wait till you’re where I’m at to begin the process – middle aged, broken, and medicated. Stop dumbing yourself down in order to stay hidden inside the flock. Be yourself. today. It’s the only version you know how to be 100% of the time and the only version you’ll find true happiness with.
Off The Rails 